glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
