Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
