You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
