just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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