He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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