Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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