He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
