can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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