u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
