He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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