I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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