first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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