As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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