I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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