youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
