i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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