I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
