piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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