let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
