watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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