I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
