you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
