I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
