Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
