mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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