We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize