A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
