Apparently you make a good broom.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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