It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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