girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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