I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
