he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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