your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
