god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
