Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
