I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
