guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
