FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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