When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
