I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
