6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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