apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
