maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
