Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
