I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
