That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
