You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
