You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
