We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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