don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize