So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
