I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize