we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
