i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
