The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
