apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize