Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
