I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize