Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
