Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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