have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
