I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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