mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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