I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this beer tastes like vomit already
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
