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just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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