Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
