The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
