So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
