my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
