dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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