I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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