i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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