i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
