before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
