His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
