I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
