bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have fence marks all over my body
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I smell like Dick and happiness
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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