i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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