Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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