I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I smell stomach acid.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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