If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
