Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
