Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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