You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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