love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
