Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
