I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
