so that wasnt chicken after all
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
