this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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