I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
