my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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