what day is it and did you see me today?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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