I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
