Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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