rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
