I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
