How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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