What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
