i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
