she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
