Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
