Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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