chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
