He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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