I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
