so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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