Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
