At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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