I puked a lego.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
