Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
