a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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