Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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